Ash 15...has this really been only one day?...

Seriously this day feels like it could have been 2 or 3 days...and not because I got much done, lol. So much has happened today and it still feels like it is saturating me. I realized today how much of a hard time I'm having not having alone time. I miss the quietness of my own thoughts. So today I ended up down at the church to have supper and square dance with the LifeForcer's. I felt so nervous for some reason that I just felt sick to my stomach. I just couldn't be around all of them. So overwhelmed I went into the sanctuary and just sat there. I began to just cry out to God silently in my heart and wonder at what in the world was going on in my life. I've been thinking about "love" alot lately and I just wondered at God why He would tell me to keep loving though I do not receive love in return. It seems so ridiculous. It seems so impossible. It seems so unselfish. Believe you me I'm not good at unselfish love. It's something that Amber has been bringing to my mind lately. But I'm not good at it. I began to think, Jesus what if I spend the rest of my life waking up with this love in my heart and have it not be returned? What if I go to sleep for the rest of my life with love in my heart for someone who does not love me back? God is it really worth loving to get no love in return? Then it hit me again how faithful Jesus' love is for me. He loves me despite my tendency to love things before Him...He is so patient with His love. Could I even be that patient? Then God spoke the words that calmed me like no other. I heard it as plain and real in my heart as ever before. "Ashley, its all going to be alright." And I just believe Him. Those words from Him gave me the confidence and strength to walk back into my life today. So many other things happened today, but I just wanted to share with you my three survival verses. Amber shared with me her survival verses the other day and I've been thinking about that--so here are mine:

Psalm 138:8...The Lord will work out His plans for my life.

Hebrews 10:36...Patient endurance is what you need now, so you will continue to do God's will. Then you will receive all that He has promised.

2 Corinthians 12:9...But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.

Amen Amen Amen. Time for bed.