Ash 18...life to me...

It has been amazing to see how much more crucial Jesus has become to my life in these past couple of weeks. I feel exhausted from trying to battle physical things like my school work and cell group and from battling spiritual things like my work environment and my emotions. The days have felt long and with much aching and weariness. But Jesus has been so real to me. Even today I was having a super hard time emotionally--just feeling drained and weak and like I couldn't take anymore. Then Jesus came to me so sweetly and He didn't pep talk me or push me on...I had my head down on my knees and I was crying because emotionally I was just spent. And I saw a picture of Him coming to me. He took me in His arms and I was so limp that I couldn't even lift my head or place my arms around His neck. But He just held me while I cried and washed over me like a refreshing breeze. I love being honest with Him and knowing His love in my being. Knowing that I can tell Him that I'm feeling weak or that my hope is being attacked, and that He is right on guard to come and battle with me. How sweet to know that I am not alone. I was thinking about the future today and how there is so much uncertainty--but then I realized that when it really comes down to it none of the stuff I'll do or the places I go really don't matter. I will do hundreds of things yet in my life. I will wake tomorrow and face another day. And the only thing that truly matters--that has any real bearing on what tomorrow will be--is Jesus. He is so everything. And it bring me to tears as I sit here at this computer because I don't know what my life will really be or what the next year will bring, but I know that there is absolutely no way that I can do it without Jesus. So many people I know are dissapointed with Christians cause they think we're hypocrites, or they have pain towards Jesus because of misconceptions that they've been fed by the enemy. But let me say today and everyday for the rest of my life that Jesus is everything. That regardless of hopelessness that comes in waves over your heart, He is in control and He is waiting to lavish His unconditional Love on you. I couldn't live without Him. Thank you Jesus. Thank you for being beautiful and calling me beautiful. Thank you for never leaving me or abandoning me. Thank you for guiding my life in such a way that I will never truly see on this earth. Thank you for loving me. I love You. Amen.