Ashley...falling asleep with Him...

"God will fill the hungry because He Himself has stirred up the hunger. As in the case of prayer, when God prepares the heart to pray, He prepares His ear to hear (Ps.10:17). So in the case of spiritual hunger, when God prepares the heart to hunger, He will prepare His hand to fill."--Thomas Watson

Argh. All day long I've been thinking about prayer, and there has been a thought that has just been reverberating through my mind. I was reading quotes and stories about revival and praying and I've been thinking that the greatest thing I can do with my life is be spent in the intimate presence of Jesus Christ. I want to be aware of His presence with me every moment of my life. Whether that be in actual conversation with Him, conversation with others about Him, sharing His gospel, reading the bible, worshipping...there can be no greater meaning to my life. Since last September when I started leading a team with LifeForce God has been really impressing my spirit to pray. I've always had this underlying hunger for intercession but I've never been really great at a consistent practice of it because whenever I start praying I can't stop and that takes so much time. I know that might sound horrible but it's the honesty of my flesh. Then today I wondered why I've fretted about taking so much time to pray. Time away from what? From doing wasteful, meaningless things? When I became a Christian I asked God that He would make my life exciting and that I might be able to play a role in something big that He would accomplish in my lifetime. Over the past 5 months my perception of what that really means has changed. I spent alot of time praying in Trinidad & Tobago for a couple of reasons: Reason #1--I was painfully aware of my shortcomings and as such was desperately realization of my need for Jesus. The frustration, weakness, overwhelmingness, and daily struggles constantly reminded me that I can do nothing without Jesus. My deepest moments of agony are my greatest moments of realizing the power, love and greatness of Jesus, so I am very happy in my weakness because it is there I can most clearly see God. Reason #2--I was surrounded by a prayer warrior, my co-leader Nathan Densley. This guy takes prayer and intimacy with Jesus to a whole different dimension. If anyone has taught me to pray it is him. Everytime I heard him pray, or saw him pray, or was aware that he was praying somewhere, the spirit in me would groan and ache to go spend some time myself with Jesus. I think that's because I knew that He was doing something that was of more worth than a thousand school bookings or a million hands of Rook--I knew that He was experiencing Jesus and I was jeleous to be with Christ myself. I've been away from the team and him for over a month now and he still comes to mind almost once a day when I turn my heart towards communion with Jesus. Seeing him encounter Christ has spurred me on to chase after God with even more commitment and passion and love. Ask God to give you people around you who are zealous for prayer. God will give you what you need to birth and develop passion for His presence.

Something phenomenal is going to happen in my generation--of that I am sure. I don't care if my name is associated with what is to come or not, and quite frankly I hope that it isn't. So long as I can pray with such fervancy and commitment that I can share in the reward that will come to the intercessors who weep and ache and agonize over the lost, abandoned and broken people. There is nothing better, no One better, to abandon my life to.

I didn't mean for this to turn into a sermon...it's just been on my heart all day and for the past couple of weeks. You haven't heard the last of my journey into the heart of prayer...it's beginning to consume me.