Live for today and dream for tommorrow......Amber

A few blogs ago I published a passage from a book that I was reading. It was a dialogue between an older man to a younger man who was about to start a journey. It hit me so hard when I read it but I didn't really know why, so I didn't comment on it.

But now I've been asking myself over and over again..."have I learned all that I need to know ?" MORE PREPARATION!! Will I be ready for this exam on Saturday? Have I been organized enough to run this summer program? Have I prepared enough to be ready to enter into my hardest year of school this fall? Have I trained hard enough to finish the half marathon on Sunday? Will I finish the race God has put me on...then there are more personal questions that I"m asking myself. What is the state of my heart in regards to things present and past...Is it still soft enough to be broken by what breaks His Heart?

Since when did I plan life?! I enjoyed life so much better when I only had to react it. Acting on instinct and seeing where that lead me. Now I spend months planning and praying over ideas and dreams of ideas; investing into what God is doing in this community has made it hard to walk away. It's become a part of who I am...whether that is right or wrong.

Anyways...am I ready? That's a question that has been hard because where is the line between performance and grace? Like performance is never the answer and no matter how perpared a person can be for something...he/she can't be prepared for EVERYTHING. Then you can't sit around, be lazy and do nothing and abuse grace. To be responsible with what God has give you is important!I'm just having trouble finding the balance and I'm not sure if I've been completely responsible with the task at hand just because I have no idea what I'm doing!! hah! How much is determined by me being prepared and how much is determined by God's grace alone? Sorry...all i have are questions tonight.

But God knows my heart and it goes back to the fact that He loves these kids a million times more than me; He has things prepared. :)

Top 5 favorites of this week:

1) Russian man at the driver's examination centre
2) Watching birds splash around in puddles with Jo (birds are such nicer creatures when they aren't swooping).
3) Sitting under the blow dryer at the Y for like 15 mintues and thinking about nothing else but how nice it feels.
4) A surprising story of redemption from an "almost" stranger while doing erans (took 1.5 hours to get a movie!)
5) Late-night-long-distance phone conversations

Amen...Jesus I love You....