Whom have I but you? Amber
So, I've been really irratible lately. And I haven't been able to figure out why...I've been running, eating/drinking healthy, sleeping lots!
Finally this morning on the way home from church some answers came out. I am just so frustrated with my life and where I'm at right now. I'm frustrated where I'm at with my character and with my impatience. There's all these passions and desires swarming my head and heart. This past week I was working on this application for a school in St. Anthony, Scotland and I really want it to work out...Then I had my patient from Nunavut and I got to actually see Nunavut through this mother and through tele-health! Then I watched Braveheart (for the first time)and I thought my heart was going to jump right out of my thoracic cavity! I just want to be in a place where I do see God's hand heal...the captives do get set free...steps of faith are radical!
To be able taste the air of heaven. I'm tired of just reading about these people who know what it feels like to be where I want to be!
So it turns out that not every passion is Godly...and that our flesh has passions of it's own. My heart has always been so easy to distract. And the more irritable I become the farther I feel my character is to where it's supposed to be. I want to know that God could send me to a ministry or a place where everyone hates me and that I would have the faith to stay.
So someone spoke to me directly today that God wants to teach me patience and trust. And more than me knowing that for the millionth time since I've started school, I can feel it. I can feel my dreams being shattered and so out of reach. I can feel my character flaws pull me closer into the person I never wanted to be. Oh and being patient is like running past the limit of my lungs and legs capablity and then adding another 2 miles. IT's SOO hard to trust my dreams in God's hands because my heart is so set on them...so dependant on them.
So after this person shared that with me...they also said that it's the same patience and trust God is teaching me now that will be used when I am sent out. Even though learning will never end...these years of preparation will one day. And that really hit me today and gave me peace. That the only change will be situational and that God cares more about my character than "my minsitry". The same patience I have learned in school will be used in prison...etc.
"Whom have I but You, Lord? Though the questions asked, may never be resolved...Whom have I but you?" -David Ruis
Finally this morning on the way home from church some answers came out. I am just so frustrated with my life and where I'm at right now. I'm frustrated where I'm at with my character and with my impatience. There's all these passions and desires swarming my head and heart. This past week I was working on this application for a school in St. Anthony, Scotland and I really want it to work out...Then I had my patient from Nunavut and I got to actually see Nunavut through this mother and through tele-health! Then I watched Braveheart (for the first time)and I thought my heart was going to jump right out of my thoracic cavity! I just want to be in a place where I do see God's hand heal...the captives do get set free...steps of faith are radical!
To be able taste the air of heaven. I'm tired of just reading about these people who know what it feels like to be where I want to be!
So it turns out that not every passion is Godly...and that our flesh has passions of it's own. My heart has always been so easy to distract. And the more irritable I become the farther I feel my character is to where it's supposed to be. I want to know that God could send me to a ministry or a place where everyone hates me and that I would have the faith to stay.
So someone spoke to me directly today that God wants to teach me patience and trust. And more than me knowing that for the millionth time since I've started school, I can feel it. I can feel my dreams being shattered and so out of reach. I can feel my character flaws pull me closer into the person I never wanted to be. Oh and being patient is like running past the limit of my lungs and legs capablity and then adding another 2 miles. IT's SOO hard to trust my dreams in God's hands because my heart is so set on them...so dependant on them.
So after this person shared that with me...they also said that it's the same patience and trust God is teaching me now that will be used when I am sent out. Even though learning will never end...these years of preparation will one day. And that really hit me today and gave me peace. That the only change will be situational and that God cares more about my character than "my minsitry". The same patience I have learned in school will be used in prison...etc.
"Whom have I but You, Lord? Though the questions asked, may never be resolved...Whom have I but you?" -David Ruis
posted by Ash-Am at 11:44 AM
1 Comments:
There will come many times in our lives where we will have to decide between what is right, and what is easy... its easy to be impatient, but it is much harder to be patient. Right = Hard
Wrong = Easy
This is a challenge Amber, and God wants you to look to Him to find the answers... you cannot be expected to be constantly at the place that you want to be with God. Sometimes our minds do get side-tracked, but we are not perfect, and God knows that.
Post a Comment
<< Home