Ash...
So I am back home now from the longest weekend ever. Apparantly it really does take 9/10 hrs to drive from Calgary to Estevan. I felt so removed from my heart all weekend--almost like I was a robot just going through the motions. The wedding was actually amazing and Meryl was so beautiful, but my heart has just been in a really cold place here in Calgary for the last little while that it felt like for the weekend I just got to leave my lonely heart in Alberta. It's kind of funny really that in the last year I have spent ALOT of time alone and now I have NO time alone whatsoever. Not having room-mates or a car resulted in alot of time to spent introspectively, but since June I have been thrown into "community" in a huge way and my whole being hasn't really been the same since. In many ways I almost feel more alone now than before when I really was alone. On one hand I have made some great friends in the past couple of months that I have been OVERJOYED to spend time with and that helped make this summer one of the funniest summers ever, but I am so unsettled right now and so much going on in my head and heart that I feel alone in not being able to really share everything that's going on in my life with someone. I think that's what lonliness really is--not the absence of people but really the presence of lots of people around all the time but having none of those people care about how you are doing. I am blessed though to have the couple of friends that do care about me and that are available for a good hug. And I really think that this time and place can be a catalyst to open my heart to it's truest need for intimate relationship with Jesus. So yeah, that's where I am today. I have to now go and move into the dorms where I'll be living for the next 2.5 months--I'm so excited to be able to stay in one place for that long after my 8 moves in the past 3 months...Gah! Oh yeah the few really great things about the weekend was this:
~Seeing old friends and hearing about how God is powerfully moving in their lives
~Having my heart opened and excited for the day I'll get to be married and in love
~Jesus speaking some much needed words into my life
Yah for that.
~Seeing old friends and hearing about how God is powerfully moving in their lives
~Having my heart opened and excited for the day I'll get to be married and in love
~Jesus speaking some much needed words into my life
Yah for that.
posted by Ash-Am at 1:05 PM
3 Comments:
Hey Ash...missing you so much ( we should count how many times we've said that on this blog!! )
Wish I could be in cow town with you...not because I could make things any better but because I would love to give you a great big price check and hold your hand!
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(uh my last comment i messed up on...) So, anyways, hey there beautiful. It definantly took us like 8 hours to drive to Estevan.. but on the way home it took like.. 6-7.. awkward.. so one of the best parts of my weekend... seeing you. definantly made my life a bazillion times happier.and heck do I ever know what you mean by the lonely thing.. it's no fun. SO..... O! I forgot to tell you something... You're Friggen Gorgeous!!!
yea.. true story
love you
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