.....G..R..A..C..E....................Amber

Oh wow!! How great and amazing is God eh?! Too good! I just had the most amazing night at College and Career, just saw the mark that I needed in Pharmacology and drove into my driveway to see a gigantic eyeball in my lawn staring at me (which turned out to be someone's basketball)! God's freedom is just so beautiful it makes me giddy and scared all at the same time!

I was having a rough week, and I was feeling really guilty because of one incident with a patient where I acted completely out of character. Even after making things right with her and reminding myself of all the reasons why I should forgive myself...my heart just got so heavy. So heavy to a point where I couldn't fall asleep without reading the Word (which I guess isn't a bad thing..hah). The "Accuser" can sometimes run rampent in my life; and it's funny the punishments we come up with for ourselves. For example...I noticed this week that every time I miss a shot in basketball, I subconsciously hit my thigh with my fist. I noticed because I now have this bruise that won't go away.

But at College and Career tonight we just had this amazing time of repentence; and I don't think I've known the true concept of repentence until tonight. Something in my spirit was just grieving. Grieving for all the times where I thought my self-punishment and torment was equal or even greater than God's grace; Grieving for my pride that says that it's fine for God to accept me but it's not ok for me to accept myself. Not that I don't love who God has made me, but that somewhere in this whole process of following Jesus I said that His blood wasn't enough for my mistakes and that discipline involves condemation. I think that's what grieves me the most.

And so I cried. Lots of people were crying the cry of repentence. And usually at College and Career, when someone cries eveyone gathers around them for a time of prayer. But it was so great! Because nobody moved or said a word. I spoke out my repentence and cried through it without concentrating on the emotions. Not that I don't think that emotions are important...but when there's business that God and I need to deal with, the focus just can't be on my emotion. Never to distract from the actual agenda of God. That wonderful agenda of God! wow!

So I now say God's grace is sufficent for my character flaws, negligence, laziness, impatience, wrongful decision making, deceitfulness, prideful pleasure, illful motivation, jealousy, stubborness, insecurities, etc. Amen