Ashley...hiding in my cave...
Ok so I am having a fabulous afternoon. I've just been praising and worshipping and argh...ok well I'm going through a bunch of boxes of mine to see what I want to bring with me for the next 2 months and in addition to realizing that I own way too many books, I am finding myself realizing how far I've come. About an hour ago I found a box of my journals that basically start from when I committed my life to Jesus in 1998 and go till, well now. I skimmed through them and almost started crying at the recurring theme I found. My spirit has always been crying out for more of Jesus. Even in my seasons of doubt, fear, frustration, pain, joy, dreams-realized--my very soul has been desperate to be consumed with Jesus. There have been so many moments in the past months/years that I have felt like I might actually be regressing in my walk towards Jesus, but just realizing that every moment of every day Jesus is still waiting for me, fills me with renewed hope. Let us not lose faith in who Jesus is calling and creating us to be. Let us put our confidence clearly back on the Perfecter. I love that He consistently calls us nearer, consistently offers grace and forgiveness, and consistently opens His own heart to consume ours.
I want to share with you something I wrote on November 13, 2002. (During LifeForce bootcamp, my second year, Africa team) Please do not consider me proud in anything...I share in Paul's confession of being chiefest amongst sinners yet redeemed by Jesus.
"...God just reminded me that He is desperate for my heart--ever corner and ounce of it. He wants me to give up the fear and shame, wich are not of God, and come and meet with Him. To meet with Him the way Moese met with the Lord--with such a commitment and passion to seek God's will and strength in everything He did; to speak with God as a man speaks to his friend. And God promises He will not leave us hanging empty, but as we seek Him with all sincerity from and honest heart, we will see His glorious presence pass before us. There are so many reasons why God wants me to give up not being honest with Him. Being fake and hidden with God brings so many barriers and hinders my relationship with God. It keeps me from really knowing myself and from knowing God. It keeps me from really having to deal with the things that stunt my growth in Jesus. I so long for and desire with all my heart to be intimate with God, but my pulling back from Him restricts intimacy. I want to know my best friend, Father, and Savior in fullness and be continually be made in His likeness, but that is hindered when I am not open to His calling and voice. He wants me to give it up because it causes me pain, and God is unable to pour into a heart of superficialness. My Jesus wants to talk with me and our fellowship is restricted when I lack in responding in truth. He wants me to give it up so my heart will be pure and we will be able to truly draw near to each other. I, Ashley Lynn Neustaeter, am not yet all that I one day will be, but with Jesus Christ intoxicating every fiber of my being, I will press on to win that prize, and meet my best friend at the gates of heaven one day, when this race is done..."
Ack. Pour out your hearts to Jesus. Let our prayer and praise and everything start there. Let's be truly honest and vulnerable before our Jesus. All of a sudden I just want to call every single friend I have and tell them how much I love them...oh Jesus I love you.
I want to share with you something I wrote on November 13, 2002. (During LifeForce bootcamp, my second year, Africa team) Please do not consider me proud in anything...I share in Paul's confession of being chiefest amongst sinners yet redeemed by Jesus.
"...God just reminded me that He is desperate for my heart--ever corner and ounce of it. He wants me to give up the fear and shame, wich are not of God, and come and meet with Him. To meet with Him the way Moese met with the Lord--with such a commitment and passion to seek God's will and strength in everything He did; to speak with God as a man speaks to his friend. And God promises He will not leave us hanging empty, but as we seek Him with all sincerity from and honest heart, we will see His glorious presence pass before us. There are so many reasons why God wants me to give up not being honest with Him. Being fake and hidden with God brings so many barriers and hinders my relationship with God. It keeps me from really knowing myself and from knowing God. It keeps me from really having to deal with the things that stunt my growth in Jesus. I so long for and desire with all my heart to be intimate with God, but my pulling back from Him restricts intimacy. I want to know my best friend, Father, and Savior in fullness and be continually be made in His likeness, but that is hindered when I am not open to His calling and voice. He wants me to give it up because it causes me pain, and God is unable to pour into a heart of superficialness. My Jesus wants to talk with me and our fellowship is restricted when I lack in responding in truth. He wants me to give it up so my heart will be pure and we will be able to truly draw near to each other. I, Ashley Lynn Neustaeter, am not yet all that I one day will be, but with Jesus Christ intoxicating every fiber of my being, I will press on to win that prize, and meet my best friend at the gates of heaven one day, when this race is done..."
Ack. Pour out your hearts to Jesus. Let our prayer and praise and everything start there. Let's be truly honest and vulnerable before our Jesus. All of a sudden I just want to call every single friend I have and tell them how much I love them...oh Jesus I love you.
posted by Ash-Am at 2:13 PM
1 Comments:
"Ashley Lynn Neustaeter, am not yet all that I one day will be" I like these words. The name Lynn seems to be quite the popular middle name, I like it.
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