Ash...goodbye...

Tomorrow. Tomorrow I start my journey east. To Winnipeg. Winnipeg. All evening long my mind has been thinking in short fragments like this. I was packing my suitcase and suddenly it hit me--Winnipeg has finally arrived. I've been waiting for this for a while now. Not preparing though--everytime I thought about looking for a job or applying for a job or thinking about where or with whom I should live or when I should go (basically any question regarding Winnipeg) God would stop me and tell me not to worry or think about it because He was going to prepare things and we were just going to live it out. If you know me you'll know how crazy this is, but I have NOT made even one list during this whole contemplating Winnipeg thing. No to-do lists, or what-to-bring lists...nothing. Over the last couple of years I witnessed many of my friends going on "faith-trips" or doing spontaneous-Jesus-led things and I longed for my own. I've known for a while that God was calling me to Winnipeg, but I've known nothing of any details. The old Ashley would have been driven crazy by that. However the new me is not going insane. I truly am not afraid in any way. I have to say I'm not extremely joy-excited right now though--I just feel this peaceful confidence. I know that He already knows where I'll live and who my neighbors are and which friends I'll make. I know He has gone ahead of me and is going with me.

I wanted to take a couple of moments and remember how I got here. To this place of fearlessness. The three years I lived in Calgary were very hard. I battled alot of things those years. It was also amazing. Looking back is an incredible thing to do because I can see how all the lonliness and struggles drew me into Jesus' presence. Oh man, was I able to live in community with some amazing people. When I worked in the office--Ashley Bakke and Meryl Reesor and most of the students on the program that year, wow did you bless me. Ashley and Meryl are two of the most incredible women I know--the passion at which they throw themselves at Jesus' feet is inspiring. I love you girls so much! Katie Mclellan--doing life with you...it brings me to tears to think about you and how powerful your friendship and words of encouragement and reckless abandonment has meant to my life. And means to my life. There is no one like you and I am so privileged to have you in my life. I could talk about how amazing and passionate and fearless and...I could go on forever about you. I have no doubt that you will change the world. I love you. Joy Benson (Green)--she gave me courage when I had none and continued to believe in me and wipe away my tears when I couldn't do that for myself. Her wisdom and strength changed my theology and my life. Larry and Lindsay--continued to give this crazy emotional girl chance after chance and never made me feel like I was a write-off. I thank them for the opportunities and for being my friends. My cell group--you showed up week after week and together we bared our hearts. Doing life with you, brought life to my tired heart. Eliza Jane--I don't know how I'd do a Street Invader team without you. Two summers in a row you have been an inspiration to me at the power of God inside of someone who is committed to following Him. If I was writing a dictionary next to the word 'beautiful', I'd put a pic of you. I love you Eli and I believe in you. Melissa Deagle--wow. You amaze me. You care so much about people. The way you love Jesus and the intimacy you pursue with Him challenges me. Living with you for two months of LF bootcamp made me a better person. I 120% believe in you. You need to move to Winnipeg and live with me. I'm serious. I love you so much Melissa. I treasure our relationship. I would walk through fire for you. What a privilege it has been for me to be a part of doing life with you. My LifeForce team--you all survived me in the making; you all deserve trophies for that. You were patient and loving with a rookie leader and I don't think I could ever explain to you the difference and blessing you have been in my life. Nathan Densley--everyone should go and spend a year with you. I didn't know I could be so challenged and changed in one year. You made me rethink almost everything I ever believed and I have a stronger faith for it. You are one of the greatest people I have ever known and the seeds you sowed in my life are already bearing fruit. Thankyou for believing in my Winnipeg dream. Thankyou for praying. Thankyou for loving me despite my many flaws--I have fewer because of that grace and love you showed me. Let me know when your book is done. Amy Kerr--the world never knew such humor. Honestly, I can't imagine how different my life would be without you! I laugh everytime I talk to you and that has been one of the greatest gifts of my life. You are an amazing friend and I miss you already. There will be no 'x' beside your name and no goodbyes to you. Thankyou for being my friend. I'm not sure how it happened, but I do know that everyone who watches our tv show will be thankful that we became friends. I love you so much.

I know that as soon as I lay my head down on my pillow a hundred people will come to mind that I should be thanking, but if you read this and wonder if I missed you please know that the amazing person you have been to my life has not been forgotten. I could honestly name a hundred people who influenced my life towards Jesus and towards the next leg of my journey. I have so much to be thankful for and so much to rejoice in. I'm excited to do life with Amber and Cher. That's what it's about--do life with the people you are around. Think about who you love and then go, be with them, and do life together. It's those relationships that make up life. Iron sharpens iron, so go fight with a good friend and discover Jesus together.

It's 12:15 am. Welcome to today.