Ash...4 weeks later...
Isaiah 55:8&9
"My thoughts are completely different from yours," says the LORD. "And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.
This verse has been reverberating through my heart and thoughts and life for most of the last 12 months. It came to life these last 4 weeks. The one thing I really didn't want to do this summer was go to Kedleston camp and be a counsellor. I was scared and felt weak, but obedience won out and I went where God told me to go. That was 4 weeks ago. Four beautiful, wonderful, God-glorifying weeks ago. I praise God that His thoughts and ways are so beyond mine. If he had given me what I thought I wanted I would have missed out on something far better. Almost every morning I would wake up at camp and have this overwhelming joy sweep over me at the realization that I was actually being able to live this wonderful life that Jesus gave me. It was a hard month, and very tiring, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. Jesus chose to use me to love some of the craziest kids on earth, I got to prophesy and pray for so many teenagers, I got to laugh and laugh and laugh with some of the most wonderful people ever. I made new friends that changed my life and reunited with old friends who are so precious to me. MORE THAN ALL OF THAT--I saw Jesus move on kid after kid after teenager after almost teenager. I saw walls break down and worship begin to happen and destiny's revealed. I LOVE THOSE KIDS!!! I really really do. Even being able to witness Jesus reveal the deepness of His love to them was a greater blessing than I deserve.
The last 2 months I really wanted to WANT Jesus. I didn't want Him to just fill a need in my life, but I wanted to desire Him with all I am. Whenever I worshipped or prayed or thought about Jesus I kept calling out a hunger to HUNGER AFTER HIM. Last week I had the most amazing day--I water-tramplined with my kids, laughed so hard I almost cried, went canoeing and swimming and ate ice-cream. I hung out with 6, 7-9-year-olds the whole day, and on my way to the washroom to rinse lake slime off my skin I was overcome with one of the most beautiful realizations of my life: I AM COMPLETELY SATISFIED IN JESUS. I know that I have many things in my life to work out and I am not immune to slipping back at times to things that take God's place in my heart, but I DESIRE HIM MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE. If I had charted my own path this summer it would not have brought me to camp, and I would have missed out on the best summer of my life yet. I honestly could type forever about the things God has taught me and the things I saw Him do in the lives of other people and the manifestation of His glorious Love on others...I could do it forever. But camp is over, I have to finish my laundry and then I move on to Street Invaders. There is more Jesus today...there is more love to give and lessons to learn. I am still tired and my heart is still aching for camp, but God is so unimaginably good that I would follow Him anywhere. To camp, to SI, to Winnipeg, to India (ask me about that when you see me...) because I know His thoughts and ways are so beyond mine--they are perfect.
Jesus sometimes I think you must be crazy to choose to glorify Yourself through us weak, irrational, non-understanding creations. But I am starting to grasp that it really is the deepness of Your perfect love that You desire to use us and mold us and pick us up again after we fall. I praise you that you love us so much that you don't let us avoid going where we don't want to go, but that you continue to lead our stubborn hearts into your presence. THANKYOU for this month. THANKYOU for this life you've given me. THANKYOU for being my life. I can't wait to end this blog, and smile and remember that You are who I will spend the rest of my life with forever. I love you and want you.
"My thoughts are completely different from yours," says the LORD. "And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.
This verse has been reverberating through my heart and thoughts and life for most of the last 12 months. It came to life these last 4 weeks. The one thing I really didn't want to do this summer was go to Kedleston camp and be a counsellor. I was scared and felt weak, but obedience won out and I went where God told me to go. That was 4 weeks ago. Four beautiful, wonderful, God-glorifying weeks ago. I praise God that His thoughts and ways are so beyond mine. If he had given me what I thought I wanted I would have missed out on something far better. Almost every morning I would wake up at camp and have this overwhelming joy sweep over me at the realization that I was actually being able to live this wonderful life that Jesus gave me. It was a hard month, and very tiring, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. Jesus chose to use me to love some of the craziest kids on earth, I got to prophesy and pray for so many teenagers, I got to laugh and laugh and laugh with some of the most wonderful people ever. I made new friends that changed my life and reunited with old friends who are so precious to me. MORE THAN ALL OF THAT--I saw Jesus move on kid after kid after teenager after almost teenager. I saw walls break down and worship begin to happen and destiny's revealed. I LOVE THOSE KIDS!!! I really really do. Even being able to witness Jesus reveal the deepness of His love to them was a greater blessing than I deserve.
The last 2 months I really wanted to WANT Jesus. I didn't want Him to just fill a need in my life, but I wanted to desire Him with all I am. Whenever I worshipped or prayed or thought about Jesus I kept calling out a hunger to HUNGER AFTER HIM. Last week I had the most amazing day--I water-tramplined with my kids, laughed so hard I almost cried, went canoeing and swimming and ate ice-cream. I hung out with 6, 7-9-year-olds the whole day, and on my way to the washroom to rinse lake slime off my skin I was overcome with one of the most beautiful realizations of my life: I AM COMPLETELY SATISFIED IN JESUS. I know that I have many things in my life to work out and I am not immune to slipping back at times to things that take God's place in my heart, but I DESIRE HIM MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE. If I had charted my own path this summer it would not have brought me to camp, and I would have missed out on the best summer of my life yet. I honestly could type forever about the things God has taught me and the things I saw Him do in the lives of other people and the manifestation of His glorious Love on others...I could do it forever. But camp is over, I have to finish my laundry and then I move on to Street Invaders. There is more Jesus today...there is more love to give and lessons to learn. I am still tired and my heart is still aching for camp, but God is so unimaginably good that I would follow Him anywhere. To camp, to SI, to Winnipeg, to India (ask me about that when you see me...) because I know His thoughts and ways are so beyond mine--they are perfect.
Jesus sometimes I think you must be crazy to choose to glorify Yourself through us weak, irrational, non-understanding creations. But I am starting to grasp that it really is the deepness of Your perfect love that You desire to use us and mold us and pick us up again after we fall. I praise you that you love us so much that you don't let us avoid going where we don't want to go, but that you continue to lead our stubborn hearts into your presence. THANKYOU for this month. THANKYOU for this life you've given me. THANKYOU for being my life. I can't wait to end this blog, and smile and remember that You are who I will spend the rest of my life with forever. I love you and want you.
posted by Ash-Am at 9:45 AM
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