Ash...exhausted...
As I sit in front of this computer I am consumed with 2 thoughts:
1) My eyes are so tired that I almost can't believe they won't feel like this forever.
2) I really want to be alone with Jesus.
I have been at camp now for 2 weeks and...it's been hard and wonderful. My frist week I was on fire and ministered tirelessly for my girls. Worship was wonderful and I felt on top of the world. Then this last week happened. I got a cold, I had girls in my cabin who didn't want to open up to me and God started to confront some sin in my life that I am terrified to look at. I guess the good thing is that He's killing my pride again...delightful. I left Kedleston at 5 am this morning, drove to Calgary, and leave Calgary to go back to Kedleston at 5 am tomorrow morning. Then I have to be a counselor again for 2 more weeks. Then three more weeks of Street Invaders. Then I move to Winnipeg, start a new job, find a new place to live, and start a new life. I actually broke into tears while writing those last 3 sentences. I feel overwhelmed and empty and alot of pressure from the camp I work for to be a golden counselor. (And pressure from myself) Jesus has been speaking to me very clearly these past 2 weeks and started reviving some of the giftings he put in me...I've been praying like crazy for other people, I've been sharing words that God gives me for people, I've been worshiping, but in the midst of it all I just want to run away and spend some alone time with my Father. At this camp I have to be with my campers 24-7 and I hardly get any sleep at night so getting up early to meet with God is so hard. I really want God to meet with my campers this week. I desperately want the to experience His overwhelming love. I want to be able to love and inspire them the way Jesus does me. But I feel so at the end of my rope right now. I also have a girl in my cabin next week who right-to-my-face doesn't like me...I really love her but she has some hidden problem with me that I don't understand. She's my junior counsellor...someone I'm supposed to speak into. And right now I don't have anything nice to say. I have nothing to say. If you are a Christian and you read this please pray for me. I want to be like Jesus to these kids. I have seen God move powerfully in so many of their lives and I've been so encouraged by seeing some of the seeds I've sown burst forth with fruit. I want that to happen again this week as God moves on my kids. I really have been having a great couple of weeks and I love ministering to people, but I really need Jesus to fill me up.
I have some amazing miraculous stories to tell, but I'm tired of blogging so all you get is my weariness. I'm sorry. Hopefully you'll see me soon and I'll tell you some of the fabulous things I've seen happen in people's lives these last 2 weeks.
Please be honest with God. I don't know where that came from or whether or not it is for someone who reads this blog, but I just know that we spend so much time trying to put on perfection in such a way that people won't see our insecurities, weaknesses, and sin. Don't hide any bit of your soul from Jesus. There are not different levels of hiding...you're either hiding or your not. Maybe that's for me....hmmmm...
1) My eyes are so tired that I almost can't believe they won't feel like this forever.
2) I really want to be alone with Jesus.
I have been at camp now for 2 weeks and...it's been hard and wonderful. My frist week I was on fire and ministered tirelessly for my girls. Worship was wonderful and I felt on top of the world. Then this last week happened. I got a cold, I had girls in my cabin who didn't want to open up to me and God started to confront some sin in my life that I am terrified to look at. I guess the good thing is that He's killing my pride again...delightful. I left Kedleston at 5 am this morning, drove to Calgary, and leave Calgary to go back to Kedleston at 5 am tomorrow morning. Then I have to be a counselor again for 2 more weeks. Then three more weeks of Street Invaders. Then I move to Winnipeg, start a new job, find a new place to live, and start a new life. I actually broke into tears while writing those last 3 sentences. I feel overwhelmed and empty and alot of pressure from the camp I work for to be a golden counselor. (And pressure from myself) Jesus has been speaking to me very clearly these past 2 weeks and started reviving some of the giftings he put in me...I've been praying like crazy for other people, I've been sharing words that God gives me for people, I've been worshiping, but in the midst of it all I just want to run away and spend some alone time with my Father. At this camp I have to be with my campers 24-7 and I hardly get any sleep at night so getting up early to meet with God is so hard. I really want God to meet with my campers this week. I desperately want the to experience His overwhelming love. I want to be able to love and inspire them the way Jesus does me. But I feel so at the end of my rope right now. I also have a girl in my cabin next week who right-to-my-face doesn't like me...I really love her but she has some hidden problem with me that I don't understand. She's my junior counsellor...someone I'm supposed to speak into. And right now I don't have anything nice to say. I have nothing to say. If you are a Christian and you read this please pray for me. I want to be like Jesus to these kids. I have seen God move powerfully in so many of their lives and I've been so encouraged by seeing some of the seeds I've sown burst forth with fruit. I want that to happen again this week as God moves on my kids. I really have been having a great couple of weeks and I love ministering to people, but I really need Jesus to fill me up.
I have some amazing miraculous stories to tell, but I'm tired of blogging so all you get is my weariness. I'm sorry. Hopefully you'll see me soon and I'll tell you some of the fabulous things I've seen happen in people's lives these last 2 weeks.
Please be honest with God. I don't know where that came from or whether or not it is for someone who reads this blog, but I just know that we spend so much time trying to put on perfection in such a way that people won't see our insecurities, weaknesses, and sin. Don't hide any bit of your soul from Jesus. There are not different levels of hiding...you're either hiding or your not. Maybe that's for me....hmmmm...
posted by Ash-Am at 4:47 PM
2 Comments:
I love you
me too
I want to move out
see you next week
AD
Hey, Ashley.
Praying for you.
I was actually encouraged to see all the cool stuff that you have lined up this summer. It's motivating - and makes me want to take action in ministry too.
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