Ash 44...farewell to June...

Please stop the world, I'd like to get off. Oh my goodness this month. June. Life. So I naturally do not accept change well, but in my old age (haha) I've been able to grapple with sudden and full-lifestyle changes much more graciously. That was until June 2005. Now it seems like everyday I grow more and more convinced that running away to live in a cave somewhere in the mountains is a better and better idea. Just add up all the things in my life--job, cell group, school, quitting job and cell group, living in the tiniest room ever with people after living in whole houses by myself, going back to LifeForce, raising ministry support, wondering if I'm making the right decisions, trying to maintain a closeness with Jesus, leaving Calgary, leaving my friends here--and let me tell you. Half my friends are either falling in love or getting married, resulting in a serious lack of phone call/email return. And I am leaving my life as I know it, to try and build a new life for myself. I always seem really excited for new things until it comes right to the time to walk into it. Then I get terrified. And instantly all these old insecurities come back out of nowhere. But there is only one person that makes it worthwhile. Jesus. He reads all my blogs and loves to respond. He returns all my calls and emails. He'll never diss me for another guy/girl. He remains faithful, understands exactly when I need a hug or just a silent presence sitting beside me. He loves me perfectly. So even if June rears it's ugly head again one of these months, I'll survive it just like I did this June, because my sweet Jesus causes everything to work for good for those who love Him and are called by His Name. Amen to that.