Ash 46...summer season has been restored..

Wow, ok. Where do I even begin. I haven't blogged in so long for so many reasons. These last 2 months have been so busy. After I quit my job I went to counsel at Kedleston camp. I had some of the greatest girls in the world in my cabin. For those of you who don't know I am part native but have always really struggled with that because of where my "nativeness" came from. But at Kedleston I had these 3 aboriginal girls from Strathmore in my cabin and something was moved in my heart. I had been progressing the last half a year towards accepting certain things in my life and towards walking further and deeper in the call of God in my life, and these native girls, and their hunger and desire for God spoke too much into my life for me to even begin to blog about it. After that I basically spent time with my grandparents, my parents, and some of my friends from Regina and Moose Jaw. It was such an important month in my life. It seems like over the past year and a half I lost something of myself. I truly believe that it was important for me to work at ATB and that that was where God intended me to be for that season but after being in such a negative, money-hungry, and non-loving community I was losing who I truly was in Christ. So July was basically a purging time in my life for me and Jesus started reviving my true Jesus passions and the callings on my life. For example, I had lost how much I actually really love people. I just love people. I want to disciple young people and encourage them to follow Jesus. Back before I quit my LifeForce job and went to work for ATB I would go and hang out with homeless people on the streets, and strike up conversations with bus people all the time. I'm not even sure why the last year affected me the way it did, but when you are constantly surrounded by people who are seperate from Jesus and an environment that is completely seperate from Jesus, it is hard to remain in intimacy with Him. This was my first time out in the "secular" workplace and it was a good teaching tool, but if anything I am more desperate for oneness with my Jesus. Ok, at the end of July I headed to Street Invaders. Oh if only I had known what I was getting myself into. These last three weeks have truly been life-changing. The week of bootcamp was so hard and busy and I finally started fighting again against certain issues in my life that were not of Jesus. I also officially stepped into leadership. Oh leadership. Being a leader is not a prize or some reward. So many people can't wait to be leaders. I realize now, after three weeks, that I had no idea what I was getting into. I praise Jesus that He is so big and present in my life or I would not have made it. It is so weird having to be responsible for so many people and things. I loved my team though...I actually totally fell in love with the kids on my team. They were kids and as such there were quite moments of stress in my life, but leading them was a privilege. I am a different leader than most of the leaders I've had. I am quite honest about my vulnerabilities and dependancy on God--and though some have seen that as a weakness in me, it was actually used by God to touch my kids. I made so many mistakes, and yet the love that these young people lavished on me was overwhelming. It's so cool to make huge mistakes and yet still have the people you lead fall more in love with Jesus. That's the biggest key thing I learned these past 2 months and is something that I'm taking with me as I go onto my next leadership position with LifeForce--God is so big and is absolutely in control so I have no need to worry. Everytime I would make a mistake or if something in my opinion went completely wrong, Jesus would use it and bless it to impact the kids I led. He also was huge in my life. Everytime I went to Him and cried out, He met me and spoke and loved on me. He is so strong in my weakness. So here I sit now. Street Invaders ended this morning and now I have 4 weeks till LifeForce staff training starts. I am house-sitting/dog-sitting here in Calgary for 2 weeks and then moving in with some friends for 2 weeks. Then LifeForce starts. If you don't know, I am co-leading a team of young adults to Trinidad and Tobago from October till May. There are moments when I'm not sure what I'm getting myself into, but God keeps reassuring me that I am completely where I'm meant to be. I spent alot of time with my co-leader Nathan Densley these past couple of weeks and God has really blessed our friendship and made us both excited for what God has for the team this year. Ah! I get excited just thinking about it. Speaking of that, if any of you are interested or know someone who might be interested on coming on our team please let me know. We still have a couple of spots for both girls and boys but it's filling up pretty quick now. So yeah, that's where I've been for the past couple of months. There is so much more to say but I'd rather know what's going on with you. Also, over the last couple of months this blog turned, from me, as more of information about life rather than it's intended use. To exult Jesus and to praise Him for what He's done in my life today. So I'm bringing it back to that. Ok well, now I'm tired of typing. Good times had in the summer...finally.