I'm way too cool for..........Amber

SCHOOL! ARGH! It's what drives me...Drives me CRAZY; drives me towards so called "success"; drives me closer to God (that whole "RESCUE ME GOD" syndrome); drives me towards discipline.

So many people I know right now are struggling with the burden of formal-class-room set-learning...Me, Ev, Jess, Robyn, Andrea....the other 60 people in my class. I think the hardest part about school is that it's self-induced. I mean we choose to register each year. I choose to pay the tuition. I choose to get up in the morning to go to class. I choose to obey God and enter into His discipline. Why? I could walk away.... I mean Jonah did. There are other things I could do.... and I could probably do a better job at it too.

So why do I stay? Because I have decided to trust my life in the hands of the God who made me. I have faith that He knows what is best for me and that He would never ask me to participate in something that would harm me (even if it hurts me). And His peace is soooooo good!

John 14:26-27:

But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Ash...I'm inspired by Amber...

You Are A Lily

You are a nurturer and all around natural therapist. People see you as their rock. And they are able to depend on you. You are a soothing influence. You can make people feel better with a few words. Your caring has more of an impact than even you realize.

What Flower Are You?

THIS ONE IS FOR YOU AMBER!!! I would like to take this opportunity for making coffee for me each morning...I'll love you forever!

You Are a Plain Ole Cup of Joe

But don't think plain - instead think, uncomplicated You're a low maintenance kind of girl... who can hang with the guys Down to earth, easy going, and fun! Yup, that's you: the friend everyone invites. And your dependable too. Both for a laugh and a sympathetic ear.

What Kind of Coffee Are You?

SOOO SIlly....Amber

I am in the middle of doing a paper that is driving me crazy so I stopped to take a break and take these crazy surveys to confirm the fact that I'm crazy and no longer have a life outside of school!! hahah just kidding. Happy Thanksgiving

You Are An Iris

You are a unique woman who needs a lot of novelty in her life. An inspiration seeker, you often have to change scenery to recharge. You don't deal well with structure or rules. You need to do it your own way. Your ideal relationships are free and flowing. No one can tie you down.

What Flower Are You?

Your Theme Song is Born to Be Wild by Steppenwolf

"I like smoke and lightning Heavy metal thunder Racin' with the wind And the feelin' that I'm under" A total independent spirit, you can't be held down or fenced in. You crave the feeling of wind on your face... and totally freedom.

What's Your Theme Song?

Ash...i can breathe...

I want to renounce the last blog I just wrote.

I talked about changing my life. About wanting to create a moment of change. The one paragraph is full of a number of things I want to do differently...BUT I CAN'T. I am not good enough, strong enough, or anything enough. I can't change myself. I am weak, flesh, and full of sin. It is Christ who is enough.

I am crucified in Him. It is NOT I who live but Christ who LIVES IN ME.

Nothing can be changed in my life by my own performance. It is all about faith in Him. It is only by that faith that I can please Christ.

Oh Jesus.

Ash...wake up...

Have you ever just wanted to wake up and have your life be different? I'm not even talking about a new job or new friends, but that the issues inside you that you struggle with could just be gone and the things that you fear could be replaced with confidence. Like Eustace Scrubb in "The Voyage of the Dawn Treader" (Chronicles of Narnia)--at the beginning of the book Eustace in a jerk and then suddenly Aslan turns him into a dragon and Eustace has a dramatic realization of the kind of person he is and he becomes a new person. Still Eustace and still working out his life, but the very essence of him is different. Or take Randy Dupree in "You, Me and Dupree". Amber and I watched this the other night and it actually was an amazing movie, very inspiring to us, and Dupree has the same kind of "full-circle" life change that I'm talking about. He has a explosive moment of realizing the way he is living his life and then he turns from it. Again, it takes some time for everything to get worked out, but he actually becomes the person he was meant to be.

I want to be the person I was created to be. I want to get rid of all the stuff in my room that I don't use. I want to clean the bathroom regularily. I want to eat healthy and go swimming. I want to take piano lessons and spend more time writing and drawing. I want to pray and read my bible and spend time worshipping Jesus everyday.

I'm not saying I'm completely dissatisfied with my life. I am absolutely not. And all the things I want changed seem so little and practical but represent a heart change that needs to happen in my life. When I was in high school I couldn't wait to get out of Swift and become who I wanted to be. When I started realizing that the real me is assertive and excited over small things and introspective and emotional and more, well then I started working out the bugs in my life and didn't keep exploring what else might be inside me. I've been "pressing on" whilst dragging the last 5 years with me. Dragging that stuff takes so much energy and hinders my progress. I need to let the past go so that the future, so that today, can be fully used by God to impact my life and make me more like Him. So though the changes I want to make seem small and insignificant, they actually add up. And added up they are the lightning bolt that strikes my identity in the areas that it is still not like Christ and takes those areas into obedience.

True life is lived when tiny changes occur.” Leo Nikolaevich Tolstoy

What is going on>..........Amber

WoW!! What's been going on?!? Ashley and Amber living in the same house blogging on the same computer!! Rediculous!! hahah just kidding!! Yeah the last month or so has been so crazy...I mean how could it not be crazy living with THE Ashley Lyn of Winnipeg!

Okay but seriously. School, life, change....all so very hard. And I'm finding that the closer I get to this God that I met 15 years ago, the more crap I see in my life. But you know...not the "boo hoo I think I'm a horrible person crap"...but the "hmmm...I could see why God wouldn't let me continue living with this stuff, crap". And with that comes decisions. And with decisions comes discipline that I need to develop to be able to live a life that reflects those decisions. And with that comes FAILURE!! Why is it never easy? And it's everywhere...in my school work (freak out...I want to quit at least once a week), relationships (more grace Lord), work, basketball...Can't escape anywhere! It would be so much easier to let emotions rule my actions...because then I get want I want short term.

But there's this amazing passage of scripture in Galations that I can't stop reading. It's only been since Monday that I've discovered my love for this wonderful segment of truth...but it captures me; it relieves me...and I feel more abundantly free because of it.

Galations 2:19-21, 3:1-4
For when I tried to keep the law, I realized I could never earn God's approval. So I died to the law so that I might live for God. I have been crucified with Christ. I myself no longer live, but Christ lives in me. So I live my life in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I am not one of those who treats the grace of God as meaningless. For if we could be saved by keeping the law, then there was no need for Christ to die.

Oh, foolish Galatians! What magician has cast an evil spell on you? For you used to see the meaning of Jesus Christ's death as clearly as though I had shown you a signboard with a picture of Christ dying on the cross. Let me ask you this one question: Did you receive the Holy Spirit by keeping the law? Of course not, for the Holy Spirit came upon you only after you believed the message you heard about Christ. Have you lost your senses? After starting your Christian lives in the Spirit, why are you now trying to become perfect by your own human effort? You have suffered so much for the Good News. Surely it was not in vain, was it? Are you now going to just throw it all away?

SOO good!! I don't know...in all my failures, weakness and brokenness...I was never meant to be able to achieve any of these things. For so long I have been trying to figure out how to make myself more disciplined...more Chirst like...less Amber like. So much time, effort and frustration spent on trying to perfect myself. But this passage says "After starting your Christian lives in the Spirit, why are you now trying to become perfect by your own human effort?"

I was meant to fail and Jesus was meant to rescue me. By me thinking that I should be able to do this on my own...completely insults the cross. OH!! That amazing thing that happened at the Cross!! So I have to decide everyday to live a life of faith. Faith that the cross has already transformed me (I have cruicified myself with Christ)...that Christ actually DOES live in me; that I can live the victory of the cross today and not wait any longer for it!! Why live life without the Holy Spirit? Why try and make it through the day in my old ways?? I trust that the Holy Spirit teaches me everyday how to live life the way God intended me to live life! AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!IT's SOO good!!