Ash...goodbye...

Tomorrow. Tomorrow I start my journey east. To Winnipeg. Winnipeg. All evening long my mind has been thinking in short fragments like this. I was packing my suitcase and suddenly it hit me--Winnipeg has finally arrived. I've been waiting for this for a while now. Not preparing though--everytime I thought about looking for a job or applying for a job or thinking about where or with whom I should live or when I should go (basically any question regarding Winnipeg) God would stop me and tell me not to worry or think about it because He was going to prepare things and we were just going to live it out. If you know me you'll know how crazy this is, but I have NOT made even one list during this whole contemplating Winnipeg thing. No to-do lists, or what-to-bring lists...nothing. Over the last couple of years I witnessed many of my friends going on "faith-trips" or doing spontaneous-Jesus-led things and I longed for my own. I've known for a while that God was calling me to Winnipeg, but I've known nothing of any details. The old Ashley would have been driven crazy by that. However the new me is not going insane. I truly am not afraid in any way. I have to say I'm not extremely joy-excited right now though--I just feel this peaceful confidence. I know that He already knows where I'll live and who my neighbors are and which friends I'll make. I know He has gone ahead of me and is going with me.

I wanted to take a couple of moments and remember how I got here. To this place of fearlessness. The three years I lived in Calgary were very hard. I battled alot of things those years. It was also amazing. Looking back is an incredible thing to do because I can see how all the lonliness and struggles drew me into Jesus' presence. Oh man, was I able to live in community with some amazing people. When I worked in the office--Ashley Bakke and Meryl Reesor and most of the students on the program that year, wow did you bless me. Ashley and Meryl are two of the most incredible women I know--the passion at which they throw themselves at Jesus' feet is inspiring. I love you girls so much! Katie Mclellan--doing life with you...it brings me to tears to think about you and how powerful your friendship and words of encouragement and reckless abandonment has meant to my life. And means to my life. There is no one like you and I am so privileged to have you in my life. I could talk about how amazing and passionate and fearless and...I could go on forever about you. I have no doubt that you will change the world. I love you. Joy Benson (Green)--she gave me courage when I had none and continued to believe in me and wipe away my tears when I couldn't do that for myself. Her wisdom and strength changed my theology and my life. Larry and Lindsay--continued to give this crazy emotional girl chance after chance and never made me feel like I was a write-off. I thank them for the opportunities and for being my friends. My cell group--you showed up week after week and together we bared our hearts. Doing life with you, brought life to my tired heart. Eliza Jane--I don't know how I'd do a Street Invader team without you. Two summers in a row you have been an inspiration to me at the power of God inside of someone who is committed to following Him. If I was writing a dictionary next to the word 'beautiful', I'd put a pic of you. I love you Eli and I believe in you. Melissa Deagle--wow. You amaze me. You care so much about people. The way you love Jesus and the intimacy you pursue with Him challenges me. Living with you for two months of LF bootcamp made me a better person. I 120% believe in you. You need to move to Winnipeg and live with me. I'm serious. I love you so much Melissa. I treasure our relationship. I would walk through fire for you. What a privilege it has been for me to be a part of doing life with you. My LifeForce team--you all survived me in the making; you all deserve trophies for that. You were patient and loving with a rookie leader and I don't think I could ever explain to you the difference and blessing you have been in my life. Nathan Densley--everyone should go and spend a year with you. I didn't know I could be so challenged and changed in one year. You made me rethink almost everything I ever believed and I have a stronger faith for it. You are one of the greatest people I have ever known and the seeds you sowed in my life are already bearing fruit. Thankyou for believing in my Winnipeg dream. Thankyou for praying. Thankyou for loving me despite my many flaws--I have fewer because of that grace and love you showed me. Let me know when your book is done. Amy Kerr--the world never knew such humor. Honestly, I can't imagine how different my life would be without you! I laugh everytime I talk to you and that has been one of the greatest gifts of my life. You are an amazing friend and I miss you already. There will be no 'x' beside your name and no goodbyes to you. Thankyou for being my friend. I'm not sure how it happened, but I do know that everyone who watches our tv show will be thankful that we became friends. I love you so much.

I know that as soon as I lay my head down on my pillow a hundred people will come to mind that I should be thanking, but if you read this and wonder if I missed you please know that the amazing person you have been to my life has not been forgotten. I could honestly name a hundred people who influenced my life towards Jesus and towards the next leg of my journey. I have so much to be thankful for and so much to rejoice in. I'm excited to do life with Amber and Cher. That's what it's about--do life with the people you are around. Think about who you love and then go, be with them, and do life together. It's those relationships that make up life. Iron sharpens iron, so go fight with a good friend and discover Jesus together.

It's 12:15 am. Welcome to today.

Soooo Thankful........Amber

Well I have no idea how to start this blog because it's seemed like forever!! The end of the summer is getting closer and it's possibly been one of the hardest summers of my life and if you ever want to hear about it...ask me because I'm really good at complaining! haha

But someone kindly reminded me recently the importance of being thankful...which then lead me to thinking of our brothers and sisters around the world who go through much worse than me and sacrifice other treasures besides sanity. So here is a list of the top things I'm thankful to God for this summer....

1) For the Grace that God gave us staff at the drop in centre; so many kids were loved this summer despite the million and one obsticales that seemed to come our way. We saw 13 kids meet with God and give their lives to Him, 2 miraclous healings(which could take up an entire blog to tell!!) and tons of great memories and inside jokes

2) For the new, incredibly patient man of God that is now in my life; He is forever sharing with me more and more grace and wisdom...not to mention some stinkin hilarious memories!

3)For a great place in the city to move into this fall; it just proves to me over again that God knows my heart and will meet all of my needs.

4)Ashley freaking Neustrater is moving into town!

5) That again I'm learning through this summer that I serve a God that is more interested in me rather than what I can do for Him (as it is extremely limited anyways!). Vision for the future seems to always be changing even though I can't image it better than what is in my head! More intimacy with the One who knows me completely...I'm so scattered right now! Haha! It's been a long, hard week of doing really nothing but trying to get my life back in order.

Yeah the summer has been hard in almost everyway, but I'm SOO thankful that in my brokeness, saddness, emptiness, fruitlessness and selfishness that God has started to heal me where I've been hurt and restrengthen me where I've become weak. He is always faithful to restore!

Ash...you're already there...

Today I got home from Regina, cut my cast off (much to mother's dismay) and had the longest shower of my life. Then I began to pray...

It was in July of 2000 that I was part of a Street Invader team that went to Northend of Winnipeg. I was 16, naive, and overwhelmed by the poor and hurting I saw around me. But something was birthed in me.
Approximately a year and a half ago, last April, I planned a trip to Winnipeg--to visit my SISTER Amber and to scout out Winnipeg and see what God would tell me. As soon as I arrived I knew that was where God wanted me and the pull was so strong it was hard to leave. But I had LifeForce commitments so I knew the time wasn't right.
About a month after that God exploded a LOVE for aboriginal people in me.
Then I led a LifeForce team and through that whole time there was a battle going on inside of me as to whether or not I'd be obedient to go to Winnipeg. I was afraid. Afraid of what my family would think ( they did not want me in Winnipeg or working in dangerous situations), afraid of disappointing my LifeForce dad Lindsay (he wanted me to lead another team), and afraid of starting again in a new city (I was finally comfortable and happy in Calgary). I knew Winnipeg would require me to live by faith and I was afraid I wouldn't have enough. But I knew that's where God wanted me.
I came home from Lifeforce in May and thought I was going to Winnipeg right away but it kept not working out and I've spent the last 3 months wandering around western Canada, working at a wonderful camp, and leading a Street Invader team.
Now I'm in Swift Current. And it's time to go to Winnipeg. When I was planning for that trip to Winnipeg I started looking for jobs and God told me to stop--now I start the job that God gave me, at Siloam Mission on September 5. In May I started to scan the internet looking for places I could live and God told me to stop--I still don't know where I'll sleep but I know that God knows exactly where I need to live so I'm going there in faith not knowing where I'll go when I get there. Today when I got here I started wondering how I'll get to Winnipeg and I have no idea what the answer is to that either but I'm not worried about it.
I AM EXCITED TO START THIS JOURNEY OF FAITH!
I realized today that something strange had changed in me. I wasn't worried or afraid anymore. I didn't care about having things figured out or having some sort of plan laid out. (I bet Nathan Densley is wishing this had happened before T&T--haha). This strange new thing has suddenly burst forth in my spirit--faith. Heberews 12:2 calls Jesus the author and perfector of our faith. I LOVE that Jesus is the one who CREATES faith in me and then PERFECTS that faith. I was talking to someone tonight who knew me well as a crazy-about-order-anal-about-everything-list-making-figure-outer and after I told him about what I was doing and how excited I was about not knowing any of the answers he told me he couldn't believe it was the same Ashley. I'm not the same Ashley.
Oh man, and Jesus is doing some amazing things. I'm so absolutely exhausted from the last 7 weeks of my life, and yet even in this weariness my spirit is filled with joy and peace and wild excitement. God has started to tell me what I'm supposed to bring with me and what I'm supposed to get rid of and not bring and I'm excited to go through my boxes and get rid of stuff tomorrow. Oh that more and more of my flesh would die and more and more of Christ would live. Wow. I could tell more but this blog is so long and if you actually read all the way to the end of this you must really like me. What a journey. What a Jesus. I can't wait to see what He's already doing and going to do.

I love you Jesus. You are my best friend. Thankyou for giving me my faith trip.

Ash...you're already there...

Ash...pour out...

Stoughton.

Megan and Kelly.

I don't know who will read this but I just wanted to say that these 2 girls changed my life tonight. I honestly love them. Jesus I just pray that you would reveal the greatness of your love to them and how passionate you are about them. Be near to them Jesus. Please protect them. Draw them closer and closer to yourself. Amen.

An old friend came to visit our team tonight (she knew meand one of the other girls on the team). We talked new happenings in both of our lives and about the last year. I talked LifeForce and the challenge and amazingness it was and for the first time I didn't feel pain at recalling it. Even when talking about my weaknesses and the fact that I would change a thousand things if I did it again--the sting had been removed. Thankyou for your healing Lord Jesus. Revive me again. Draw me in again. Please move powerfully in the hearts and lives of Nathan, Cam, Aaron, Julie, Jane and Arielle. Would you please revive passion in their hearts where it may have been dwindling. Open their eyes to behold You delighting in them. Please tell them how loved they are by You...and by me. Say all the words of life and encouragement I failed to give and affirm all the things of You that I was faithful in giving to them. Show them how powerfully You worked through them and how glorified You were by their lives. Overwhelm them with joy and pour your life into their eyes--spiritual and physical.

Lord, I pray that same last prayer over this Street Invader team. Over Laurie, Eliza, Damien, Glen, Brandon, Allie, Carissa, Jenna, Becky and Mandi and Brad. Thankyou Jesus.

I will do what you have asked. I will keep taking a new grip with my tired hands and standing firm on my shaky legs so that those who follow me will be made strong. (Hebrews 12) I desire to have my life poured out as an offering to you. You are my hearts desire. Thankyou for loving me. You are my best friend. I have a friendship key chain for you.

Ash...broken...

Don't let the title alarm you. Although Jesus has been breaking me and moulding me this summer, that has been the most delightful pain imagined. The brokenness I'm experiencing today is in my hand. Today I received the first cast I've ever had. The doctor's still aren't sure if there is a fracture in my hand but they know for sure that I have tendonitus, that the majot tendons running from my pointer and middle finger are sprained and that the tissues that cover my tendons (?) are infected. They decided to put the cast on while awaiting the results from my x-rays (those'll come back next week) because I wasn't doing a good enough job at resting my hand. The cast is actually amazing. Don't get me wrong--it's awkward, makes showering nearly impossible, won't fit through the sleeve of my hoodie, and invites hundreds of questions that I tire of answering. BUT as soon as the cast came on and I couldn't move my hand anymore, the pain decreased by like 90%.Just like that my hand felt better than it had in days. That's really the way God wants to work in our lives too. We have these areas of brokenness or different areas of sin in our lives and we're nervous to let God examine us. But once we show Him our brokenness and allow him to put Himself as a cast over that area we will find relief from the pain and begin experiencing the healing that comes from God working out salvation and freedom in our lives. That cast can make life more difficult and it might draw attention to you that you'd rather not have, but it'll all be worth it when you get that cast off and finf yourself healed. Praise Jesus for being perfect in our weaknesses--I love you my Jesus.

P.S. Still in Kilpling. Carlyle tomorrow. One week left till Street Invaders is done and I begin my new life in Winnipeg...so far I'm planning to live in the airport...woot woot.

The Art of Intimacy........Amber

Wow I've been thinking for a while, how I was going to be able to describe this last week and a half. IT's been incredible and hard and wonderful!! I've been in Saskatchewan participating in a program called Street Invaders for the past week and a half and it's been intense! The first night there, we were in a staff meeting/chapal and during the worship I thought to myself, "Wow I forgot just how much I love loving God". Like, for one thing...it's amazing that God loves us...but then on the other hand it's crazy that he wants our imperfect love! My unfinished, raw, imperfect love!

So it's been a yearish since I last remember dancing (worship). God and I haven't had "a dance" in a long time and I thought that maybe bootcamp would be a great time to pick because it's a pretty open and safe place. But before bootcamp even started the creative arts worship leader asked if I would be willing to work with them and it was CRAZY! I said yes! Ah man...I danced like everyday with God and it was just SOO intimate and wonderful! I have so many unforgetable memories from this week. Memories that God and I will share for forever and no one else!

So yeah after a long year of working and stretching (although the stretching is still happening) I finally feel like I"m entering into a time of intimacy with God and also the people around me. I know that relationships are hard and involve work and stretching, but it's different. You don't receieve intimacy from tasks. So even during bootcamp it was full of just spending time with God without worrying about accomplishing anything while doing it.

And then through people in my life like Evan and Ashley, I've just been experiencing different depths of relationships that I haven't experienced for a while.... I got to spend some time with Ashley at bootcamp...and the night before I left back for Stonewall she sneaked into my room, woke me up, and said good bye. Even though I know I'll see her in a couple of weeks....I was just so blessed for some reason! And then seeing Evan for the first time in like a month and a half was just absolutely amazing and incredible. I'm so excited about moving to Winnipeg and seeing what God has for us there!

So then today I had off from work. AT first it was a little werid because it's been a while since I haven't been working. But then I just spent the entire afternoon with God. Honestly I could've just sat in my living room writing in my prayer journal, reading the Word, listening to worhsip music...ALL day! I'm so grateful for the closeness I've felt with God lately. I know it's not always that way in the Christian walk, but I love it!! I can't get enough! Even tonight I went to a Third Day show with my friend Aimee and I just wanted to jump out of my skin! I don't even like Third Day! ahhah.

God is soooooo goood...just absolutely everything I need!