I regret to inform you......Amber

....that i have very little to say about what God has been doing in my life; NOT because He hasn't been at work, BUT because I have not taken the time to sit down and see it. But maybe that in itself, is the continual theme of my life.
I miss my friends who are all so far away and I don't want to sit down and think/pray about the things that I need to address in my life. I am also lazy. I make wrong decisions sometimes with my finanaces and time(should be saving more) and my heart gets distracted by it's own pollution sometimes (lies?). OH! And I ALSO drink way too much coffee for my own good.
But I need God.
This quote encourages me:
"A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling 'darkness' on the wall of his cell..." C.S. Lewis

It encourages me because even though I "suck" for even more reasons that I can give, that doesn't make God any less amazing. That who God is isn't determined by how well or horrid I live my life. Not that I forget to aim for righteousness ...but that my life stops becoming just about me.

So what if I drank a pot of coffee today...God saved the entire world.

Sparks....Amber

I've been groaning about my homework for about 5 hours now. Still not much has been done. I talked to an old friend who just came back from Ndola, Zambia and who is planning on going back this year sometime. Bah. so jealous...i must admit.
But all of a sudden a song came on that brought me back to a place where I felt feelings that I wanted to feel. Like in reality...do I want to struggle with homework and studying for the rest of my life? no. Do I want to live at my home in Stonewall for the remainer of my years on earth? no. Do I have to remember why all of these things are worth it? yes. But sometimes a song, or a picture or a smell will bring me back to moments or places where my heart was at home. This picture is one of those pictures where I remember exactly how I was feeling when that picture was taken.
I know that nothing will ever be perfect; but I just want to be in the place that is closest to my heart until I die.

Lets talk about today...hmmmm....Amber

Where was the goodness today? Well it's been a rough one but I've decided that I'm going to sit here until I find something to write about. Something God has shown me today.
hmmmm...I may never sleep.
I had an couple of options today. And although I first thought "this could be bad" I think it's shown me something about myself. I've realized that doing something....whether it be bad or good; is always better than always staying the same. If you choose to do something (of course in the best interests of yourself and others around you) and it fails, that failure is so much better than nothingness. I often struggle when nothing happens. To fall asleep and have nothing mark my day.To have someone ask me about my day and I can't answer them with anything but "fine" or "busy". I mean it's always better to feel than to be numb right? To struggle and have victory...
I'm still not sure of a lot of things; but I want to be.

Day or night...Amber

Okay...2 things to cover on today's agenda.

1)I've found another girl who plays bball at the College which is HUGE! I mean since Crystal graduated I've had NO ONE to play with except for smelly guys; hence I didn't play as much. I don't know what it is with girls and sports...but anyways! Besides the point...I'm so stoked about playing ball and I know that most people just sigh, hum and ha whenever I say that, but there must be a reason why I love this sport so much. And now that there's a College team I have no idea what next year is going to be like. Haha...so that is my God moment for today...even if it only matters to me and God.

2)Ashley hasn't written on this blog for a while...BUT!!! SHE IS LEAVING FOR TRINIDAD AND TOBAGO TOMMORROW!!! I can't even imagine how crazy things are you for you right now Ash! I'm going to miss you more than I already do and even if you don't write on this blog I'll keep writing until you get home...
*TEAR*

Ode to you Grand-Maja.....Amber

Today has been full of wonderful surprises and joys (and some not so pleasant...e.x. finding out we had a surprise 2 hour communications lecture on a friday afternoon). Great out-the-driver's-window conversations on the way home on the highway; Thinking that everyone who is yelling at my cousin's hockey game is talking to me and is wanting my answer; and lastly a GREAT talk with my grandma on the phone.
It was just so strange. Because we are both asking ourselves the same questions in regards to reaching youth with the gospel. Her questions come from her church and mine come from YFC. And we are both asking how about how close to the line of relevence we should be. How much we should rely on making the youth room "hip" or how many disco lights should be going at once...and how do we use these "tools" to attack kids to Christ; or if they are even the right tools. Okay...we're both far away from the answer but my Grandma knows what she's talking about and her church is so blessed/lucky to have her. I'm freaking blessed to have her! She knows more about youth ministry than me I think!!! I never knew how relevent (oooOOooo..that word again) my Grandma's wisdom is to what I"m doing today!! It's just a different kind of wisdom than I expected to find! Thank you Lord for Grandmas and Grandpas.

Goal for 2006: Professional Coffee Drinker.....Amber

Amen.
Well it's 2006 and I have only spent 3 hours of it sleeping so far which I think is something to be very proud of! I think I'm turning nocturnal minus the sleeping during the day! But it's been a great last couple of days with some serious reflecting about this past year, and although I don't want to get into the extend of the amout of over analyzing i've been doing, I have a couple of things that have stuck out:

1) I wanted to copy Stef and write a list of all of the places that I would love to visit for this blog but after tonight at Jon Buller I realized how much of a home Winnipeg/Stonewall is to me. I stood at the top of the balcony (the 2nd one)in the Burton Cummings Theater and looked down into a packed house of Jesus worshipers. An imperfect bunch we were but we danced and sang like we were at home. It felt like this reunion that I shouldn't take for granted by wishing to be somewhere else! But I have to admit that that's a werid feeling for me.


2) So Youth For Christ eh? Looks like Lord willing I'll be officially starting soon! Thus begins the constant battle of falling into the entertainment trap and taking the easy route. As much as I would LOVE to just hang out with these kids ALL the time, I have no idea what God is up to specifically. To show God to a generation... To get away from the neutral mark and allow ourselves to take risks. I just can't help but remember in the story of Martin Luther when a massacre took place because of a misunderstanding of his teachings. And as he was being rebuked by his mentor, he stopped him and asked "did you really think this would come without a cost?". I'm NOT saying that the cost has to be the death of thousands of people, but we shy away from that so much. Can't we take a risk on God? Isn't that called faith? We back down from those risks just incase God doesn't do anything and then we look like idiots! That's so backwards!! But I'm just so not there yet; hopefully one day soon I'll be a lot closer.
I look forward to discovering what His plan for these kids is (getting away from the typical path), struggling with what God requires of us as staff and then enjoying the victory that we never thought we could have or dream of!
This picture is called "Freedom's song" and I don't know why I love it so much or why something so dark looking could be called something like "Freedom's song". Maybe because that is where we are; maybe it's because some days we can't lift up our hands even that much; maybe it is everything that we are free from. For some reason the struggle is beautiful.

“Redemption” by Common Children

Hey all you people out there
The sun is burning colder
Keep a light on if you’re scared
The night is almost over

There will be laughter when the morning falls on our face
We will be captured and these chains will melt away

So hey all you angels out there
Forgive me when I forget you
There’s a light of hope we share
There are moments when I feel you

I hope you listen to the songs the wounded sing
The sound of redemption, these broken offerings